It's been a while

Since none of my friends read this and I just want to shout to the world today.
I don't mind that they don't, I prefer it that way sometimes. I don't say poignant or funny things so I don't mind not being internet famous. I do this for myself.

I don't know what's wrong with me this past week. I just want to stay home and cry all day. Maybe it's because I have womanly issues right now. Maybe people haven't been as nice to me. Maybe it's because I really am heartbroken that he's taken. Or most probably it's because I just feel like I can't do anything right ever. I'm currently overly sensitive and getting cut down the way I did the other day just hurt, then I got cut down again. And again. All by different people who I care about. I don't like being this way. I just want to be happy again.
Don't get me wrong. I have things I am very grateful for and they do make me genuinely happy. I thank God all the time for my car and my job and being able to go to Disneyland and my trainer.
Then I get to this point where I just want to break down and feel like most people don't care, and it hurts all the more when it's people I care about. I feel like everyone is so superficial. Ok not everyone, just when I'd like someone to say kind genuine words that I can believe. I don't know what those words are I just know I need to hear them. Except if they do that I'll probably start crying.

I just want a reason to smile, instead of just smiling all the time.

Little old, lonely me.

Love, Etc.,
Dorothy

Doing this for myself

I don't have anything to prove to you. I don't need your approval for anything. I should be comfortable being myself around everyone. But I need to prove to myself that I can do it, that I'm better off without you, I can do this with strength from my God and those who understand me. I'll be okay when it's all over. And I won't settle for anything but Euphoria!

I have to get back into the swing of things. I have to take shape for life! I have to make myself the person I want to be, no one can do it for me. I have to be my own inspiration and motivation.

Wish me luck.

Love, etc.
Dorothy Grace

Zoom.

Not again! I lost it. It had to have gone somewhere, but where? It’s nowhere to be seen. It’s as if it didn’t exist in the first place. Not that you’d be able to see it. It only existed in my mind.

I’m not crazy it was an idea. Not so clever as to blow minds the way Inception or Fight Club would. But at least getting it down would give me a little relief from the stress from school, from friends, or from family. One less thing to worry about, writing it down so I can move on and work on something else, then something else after that, then I get handed another thing and another and another… it never ends. And soon I will be the one handing things out and someone will be wishing they had all the answers to all my questions.

How do thoughts get lost? What happened to that synapse? Did it get lost in the rush hour traffic of my head? Did it take a wrong turn? Does it not have a GPS system? Did it break down on the highway? Or was it going too fast and got pulled over and impounded?

I’m not sciencey at all, but when I think about all the ideas and the information I’ve obtained I wonder how it’s all stored. Like a giant parking structure each car, each synapse, has it’s own spot. If the car sits there for too long soon you wont be able to turn the key over, the engine won’t start, the car starts to rust, and eventually it’s of no use at all even if it started out as something high class like a Lamborghini… or something.

Sometimes I fear I’m forgetting too much, too many cars are turning to rust. Too many things I can’t remember: like what an integral is, how to throw a football, or why I don’t like mushrooms. I can afford to lose these memories and ideas.

It’s the memories and ideas I don’t want to loose I worry over. I don’t want to forget the things my aunt told me the time she called me out of the blue, because she felt like something was wrong. I don’t want to forget the way the light reflected off the spider’s web and the mist cast off from the waterfall, creating rainbows every which-a-way. I don’t want to forget the movement of the crowd when I saw my favorite band with my two best friends or that I couldn’t speak for half a week afterwards from all the lyrics I screamed. I don’t want to forget the things I can say that make people smile, but I do. I do all the time.

           Then there are the things I want to forget. The cars I want to turn to rust. But they get used too often, the memories play too much, too many people remind me and bring them up. The scratchy feeling of the carpet on my face as I lay there curled up, my hair sticking to my face stained black from the eyeliner that I usually never wear, the eyes of my cat staring at my back… STOP! Actually, let’s not talk about it? Forget I mentioned it.

Rambling at 3:30AM

How dare you call yourself worthless!
How dare you think you're nothing!
Don't you know that every person you talk to, everyone you interact with remembers you. The brain remembers everything, it's just a matter of recalling the right memories. Maybe that person you saw in the supermarket will have a dream about you and be inspired to write the most magical children's book ever told, or a song that becomes the most listened to or downloaded, or paints a picture that people marvel over for years to come.
You don't know the plans that are in store for you. No one is worthless, or pathetic. Everyone has a purpose. It may not be in your time, but perhaps your children's children's children will be the person who brings world peace, or perhaps they will save someone who will cure cancer, or perhaps they will save someone who inspires someone else to travel across time and space.
Don't you know how important you are to me?! Don't you know how much I love you? How much I care? How much it hurts that you think this way? That you're so willing to give it all up for a moment of "peace."
Maybe you think I don't understand. Maybe you think I don't know what it feels like, that I've never been there. And maybe you're right. But I believe YOU have a purpose. I know there is something better for YOU out there than this sadness and pain you feel.
Why do you focus on all the bad when there is so much good in the world if you know where to look? For starters just look in the mirror. See that face? That face is beautiful! That face is a miracle. Those eyes... Look at them, how amazing is it that you can see! Look at your hands. You can touch and you can feel with those fantastic hands! Find out just how amazing you are. Just look.

Please, please, please don't forget that you are special to someone. If you don't think you are; you are special to me. I'll be your no one.

Love, etc.
Dorothy Grace

Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious

My first day of summer freedom last week, my best friend and I celebrated by going to the "happiest place on earth," I think it was a fantastic way to start my summer. It was rather successful. I finally bought ears (sparkly Minnie ears) and a bubble gun! I'm so excited to use my bubbles!

The weather was kind of worrisome on the drive up. It kept raining and I was afraid it'd be rainy weather at Disneyland. It's not that I don't like the rain. In fact I love rain, but I wasn't dressed for rain at Disneyland. But the good thing about rain is that usually there's not as many people at Disneyland. Which was true for Friday, until the weather cleared up later in the day.

So we like being early, it's always fun to be there from opening to closing time. :) We got there in time to countdown to opening and then we raced to Space Mountain. We were in the ninth cart. Pretty sweet yes?
Then we made our normal round to Star Tours right after. So, I've been on Star Tours plenty, and I've had the same scenarios almost every time. This time we got Admiral Ackbar and pod racing, then we went underwater to Jar Jar's planet (I forget the name) and then we're breaking down as we try to reach land. We get to the docking hanger and we can't stop and suddenly we crash into this pointy spaceship and I get scared and move out of the way. haha. C3PO tells the little droid that yells at us that he broke our ship and he does not have permission to come aboard. It was pretty funny. As we leave, one of the castmembers reminds us to pick up our droids in baggage. hehe.
After Star Tours we go and meet Merida. She is SO cute! I love her and her cute accent and the little bears. AH! I'm so excited to see Brave!!! They let us shoot arrows which was pretty neat. I got two tries cuz I failed the first time, but the second I didn't hear that we were counting to three then shooting so I was a tad early but I made it through the bullseye. haha. So I'm a good shot I just can't count. :)

Then we went on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad cuz it's the wildest ride in the WHEELDERNESS!!!! I love how the crazy old man says it. We were sliding back and forth and laughing and it was a lot of fun.

As we were walking to Indiana Jones we saw a duck walking by these bushes. I was surprised because she was letting people get really close to her, then I saw that she had ducklings and was protecting them. Good momma duck.

Indiana Jones is my favorite ride ever!! Just saying.

Then we went back on Space Mountain and Big Thunder. And made our way to Haunted Mansion and had time to kill before our Indiana Jones fastpasses were up so we went on Pirates of the Caribbean! Which is always fun :) "We wants the redhead!"

After we went on Indiana Jones the second time we were going to go to see the princesses at the faire but the line was extremely long and we only need one princess in our autograph book (Aurora why must you avoid me!!!!) So we went into Toon Town to try and find Donald (who evades us always as well) but it was super crowded. Instead we took the train back to Main Street. We saw the Grand Canyon and dinosaurs!!!

Before we went into California Adventure we went through Downtown Disney to find the Create-Your-Own-Ear-Hat shop, which turns out to be in Walt Disney World. It was a bit disappointing but that's ok. I'll go to Walt Disney World eventually. :)

We went to California Adventure and grabbed our Tower of Terror fast passes and did single-rider on California Screamin'. (All time favorite rides at California Adventure!!!) While waiting for TOT we went on Triton's Carousel naming our sea creatures Aqua (Sea Horse) and Sir Phillip (Seal). Then we went on The Little Mermaid and saw Ariel's new hair, which looks weird from the side but nice from the front. After we saw the Muppet Vision show, which was super cute and silly.

We were going to go on the Ferris Wheel that terrifies me, but it was a long wait, instead we met Jessie. Then we went on Tower of Terror. I'd forgotten what the ride was like so I got really nervous, so it was awesome cuz my adrenaline was pumping!

Then we took the train back to Toon Town and saw the animatronics that used to be in Splash Mountain. Toon Town was still super busy, but we went into the shop and I got my sparkly Minnie ears. We were slightly tired at this point, neither of us sleeping well the night before and waking up early, so we watched the parade.

We went back California Adventure because we wanted to see the Mad T Party preview. It was pretty neat! I'm excited to go back and see some more of it. I loved this big Flamingo that they had.

Natasha and I stayed at the T Party for a bit, but we wanted to see the fireworks so we made our way back to Disneyland and went on the Tea Cups, where we heard an announcement that the fireworks were cancelled due to winds. :( made me super sad, I love fireworks. So we got some hot chocolate from these sweet vendors. And also got a taste of some nasty Disneyland patrons. Also found out Natasha acts a lot like me when I'm drunk when she's tired (very agreeable and silly). We sat for a bit with our hot chocolate till we decided we were hungry and went to the French Market and ate their delicious nom noms (chicken, mashed potatoes, and vegetables) and this amazing raspberry cheesecake!!!

Because it was a grad-nite celebration, Disneyland closed a bit early. We probably could have stayed longer, because we still look young enough to be in high school, but we were tired so we left. Took a while

I must say, it was a lovely day. :) Sorry the post is so long.

Love, etc.
Dorothy Grace

Itty Post

Happiest Place on Earth!!!

GOING TO DISNEYLAND TOMORROW!!!!!!!!
Yay!
I'll tell you about it soon ;)

And I'm going to post things I've written for my non-fiction writing class I took a year ago... I miss it... I should write more...
Maybe I should make a new page for my writing... We will see... I'm still confused on how to use blogs n stuff...

Told you it'd be itty :)

Love, etc.
Dorothy Grace

Book Review Before Bed

I'm one of those people that can rarely walk into a bookstore without leaving with something. It's just not in my nature. Kinda like some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, if I pass a bookstore I have to go in and I have to buy something. 

Okay it's not really that extreme, I've walked into Barnes and Noble and left with nothing, but it was REALLY hard!!!! I can also spend hours exploring, running my hand over titles, trying to see which book catches my attention.

So during my spring break I went to visit my friends from Northern Arizona University. I was meeting up with my friend's girlfriend at the time at Barnes and Noble. I had a while to kill so I was browsing the Teen Fiction section. Which is usually a bad idea, all their books now-a-days seem to be all the same, angsty teen love stories usually with some fantastical creature activity: vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies etc. Don't get me wrong sometimes I want to read what my 10th-11th grade English teacher calls "Junk-Food Books," but usually I need a little depth and meaning.

I'd read on tumblr ages ago a review for a book that I thought sounded interesting. It was called "The Book Thief." I found it, bought it, and just finished on Sunday. And let me tell you, I have not cried that much since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, in a good way. I don't know about you, but I get attached to characters if they're not too whiny. I love being able to relate to a character.

"The Book Thief" is based in Nazi Germany, a time period which for some reason fascinates and horrifies me. First, the story is told through an interesting perspective, Death, a strangely gentle being who is tired of cleaning up after humans and saddened by the things they do to each other. But he gets glimmers of true humanity, the reason he keeps doing what he's doing. He says "I see everyone at their best and their worst." He's telling the story of Leisel Meminger, a young girl who loves words. She "steals" books, learning to read them with the help of her loving and patient accordion playing foster father, and eventually learns to write. There is love, laughter, grief, pain, suffering, play, happiness and death throughout the book. The amount of description in this book is perfect, it's not overly drawn out and boring and it's not empty. Death likes to bounce back and forth between the end of the story and where he left off, he hints at his... "surprises" I suppose, but everyone knows what happens at the end of their own personal story, so I guess it's really no surprise.

I will warn you, that it is a very sad book. Like I said I cried quite a bit, but it's so beautiful. When I'm a teacher I'd love for my students to read it. Except I'm not sure if that much sadness could be handled by children. It'd give them a pretty good idea of reality, understanding that life isn't all peaches and cream and that it's really short.

So great book. Go read it. Let me know what you think.

I gotta sleep and estudiar para mi examen final de español en la mañana.

Love, etc.

Dorothy Grace